With the rapid pace of today’s world, rarely do people find themselves alone. Employees and coworkers demand attention, and then friends and family members do at home. While having a strong, loving group of people is important, it’s also important to spend time alone.
Everyone has heard of a “staycation,” where instead of traveling you stay home and explore your neighbourhood and city. But, when was the last time you did something for yourself? When did you visit a location that you got to choose, without catering to anyone else’s opinion? A “youcation” means saying goodbye (for a little while) to your family and friends (and work!) and setting off on your own adventure.
Feeling a sense of clinginess toward another person or even a beloved pet is quite common. A new mother is reluctant to hand off an infant, a child doesn’t want to share his kitten, or a husband is a tiny bit jealous of the attention his beautiful wife receives. Some people show love by being clingy - but when does it go too far?
Codependency was originally used to define the relationships between addicts and their spouses. More recent studies suggest that codependency is not the result of a personality disorder, but rather a normal reaction to living with a substance abuser. A study in Iran found that women married to addicts were more likely to be agreeable, and a link was found between neuroticism and codependence.1
As our understanding of social neuroscience progresses, we can see what we need to influence in terms of behavioural changes. When our brains are in the default network mode, we can connect more readily with others, thereby increasing influence. This network is active when we are seemingly not thinking (like daydreaming), and it’s important to spend time each day allowing your brain to “rest.”
We cling nervously to the melody, but we don’t handle it freely, we don’t really make anything new out of it, we merely overload it.
Johannes Brahms
When we spend time on our own, we have an opportunity to allow the brain a chance to relax - no phone beeping, no kids screaming, no friends complaining. You don’t even have to go far, if your time and means are limited.
You can take time for yourself, and give your brain a break, even on a budget. Consider these four ideas to spend some time on your own.
Unhealthy relationships, such as those that are overly clingy or codependent, will have a negative impact on the person and everyone around them. Leaders who exhibit these traits will be less likely to act with agility or to inspire others.
Leaders with high levels of agility can influence others easily, and the Model gives leaders the opportunity to assess all aspects of their lives to determine where strengths and weakness lie. Weaknesses such as clinginess can be overcome with an understanding of how the brain functions, increasing influence and agility.
Citation:
Panaghi, L., Ahmadabadi, Z., Khosravi, N., Sadeghi, M. S., & Madanipour, A. (2016). Living with Addicted Men and Codependency: The Moderating Effect of Personality Traits. Addiction Health, 8(2), 98–106.
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Founder & CEO
About my Brain Institute
Scientist, educator, author, speaker, coach, award-winning leadership specialist, filmmaker and creator of the i4 Neuroleader Model & Methodology.
Silvia's scientific background and curiosity about the human brain led her to a decade long journey of research into optimal brain functioning and the application of neuroscience in leadership and daily life. Her past and current roles have uniquely prepared her for the current undertaking, that of leadership activist & change agent.
Silvia Damiano founded The About my Brain Institute in 2009, with the purpose of democratising leadership & neuroscience. She has a passionately held belief, that leaders in our 21st century global economy and their organisations must radically change long-held ideas of what constitutes effective leadership
In her ground-breaking books ‘Leadership is Upside Down’, ‘Brain-Friendly Leadership’ and the 2018 documentary ‘Make Me A Leader’, Silvia provides both compelling evidence and explores the importance of leadership in our personal and professional lives and what it takes to develop the human behind the leader.
Silvia has worked in different countries, across many industries, helping teams and organisations improve business performance. Silvia’s clients have described her as a passionate, dynamic, a highly experienced speaker and master facilitator on the topics of Emotional Intelligence, Cultural Change, Neuroleadership & Engagement.
Silvia is passionate about leaving a legacy of well-rounded leaders who can act and decide in a way that better serves humanity. Her clients include Microsoft, Australian Stock Exchange, NSW Government, VISA, Fuji Xerox and Manpower amongst many other global companies.
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