When you think back to games you once played as a child, was there ever a moment where you weren’t included in the decision-making process? Maybe you didn’t get to voice your opinion about what game to play, or what rules would be used. Or maybe you were left out of the game entirely. If you can recall such a moment, do you remember how you felt at the time? When leaders act this way, excluding others while making decisions, their peers, colleagues and employees may have hurt feelings or even feel slighted.
Being a leader is often a juggling act—you are expected to handle a million details and all the people seeing to those details while making decisions on the fly. It’s no wonder so many leaders burn out. One way to ease up on the stress of having to deal with so much is to delegate responsibilities to people around you. However, this means you will have to learn to make decisions including others.
Learning To Give Up Control
Some people become leaders because they like being in charge and feeling in control. But, this kind of mindset is not really conducive to collaboration because almost no one wants to be constantly ruled by a dictator-like leader. The true role of a leader in a brain-friendly organisation is to inspire others and to show compassion and generosity.
The illusion that many leaders create around themselves involves the idea of control. If only we could control X, Y and Z, then we would get the results we want. In reality, we cannot control most factors in life, and we definitely don’t have much control over what other people do unless we behave like a dictator.
There are people who have a natural resistance to being controlled. They cannot function well without choices. We see this behaviour often in children, but why do some adults behave this way, too?
In one study, scientists found that people resisted being controlled if they believed it was a sign of mistrust or if they didn’t understand the motives of the people who were restricting their freedoms. In the brain, researchers found that control-averse behaviours were linked to connectivity between the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and the inferior parietal lobule. These brain areas are typically associated with cognitive functions.1
People we work with may also feel this impulse to resist a command, and that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work with people like this or value their ideas. Imagine all the missed opportunities for collaboration if we couldn’t work with people who don’t quite fit in.
Early on I realized that I had to hire people smarter and more qualified than I was in a number of different fields, and I had to let go of a lot of decision making. I can’t tell you how hard that is. But if you’ve imprinted your values on the people around you, you can dare to trust them to make the right moves.
Howard Schultz
Become A Leader Who Others Want To Collaborate With
Once we acknowledge that we cannot control everything, we should work on the things that we do have control over, including:
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Being more generous. When you invite others to help make decisions, they will start to realize that you value their contributions. Then, you can gradually give people who prove trustworthy more responsibilities to make decisions for the benefit of your organization.
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Checking your attitude. If you have a sour attitude about relinquishing even a tiny bit of control, maybe you need to reset your brain. Leaders who act petulant and disclude others will soon find themselves without anyone to lead.
- Paying attention to your brain and body. We do have some control over our health. We can choose to mitigate stress, we can feed our bodies healthy foods, we can exercise, we can get enough sleep and we can meditate. If you find yourself having a hard time including others while making decisions, perhaps you need to focus on yourself first.
The world needs leaders who are more generous and compassionate. No one person can manage a large organization or a country, so we must learn how to give other people responsibilities and not worry too much about things we cannot control.
If you have difficulty with being a generous boss and giving your employees a voice, maybe it’s time to refresh your leadership skills. The i4 Neuroleader™ Methodology can help you learn how to include others to improve collaboration.
