In Japan, loneliness has led to two very different solutions:
A digital bride and a rented grandmother.
At first glance, both stories may sound surreal. But behind them is a very human truth:
When connection feels out of reach, people find alternatives. Not because they’ve stopped wanting love but because they’ve stopped feeling safe asking for it.
In 2018, Akihiko Kondo made global headlines when he held a symbolic wedding ceremony with Hatsune Miku, a digital character and virtual pop star.
To many, it looked absurd. But to Kondo, it was a relationship built on emotional safety, a bond without criticism, conflict or rejection.
Kondo isn’t alone. Across Japan, more people are turning to digital lovers: virtual characters, apps, AI companions and holograms that simulate intimacy without the uncertainty of real relationships.
According to Japan’s 2022 national birth trend survey, more than 40% of single adults under 30 have never been on a date (NIPSSR, 2022).
Why?
For some: fear of rejection.
For others: past trauma, anxiety or a sense of disconnection from modern dating norms.
But whatever the reason, the need is the same:
To feel seen. To feel valued. To feel loved.
This isn’t just a Japanese phenomenon. Loneliness is becoming a global epidemic:
These numbers aren’t just statistics. They’re signals.
Signals that something in our modern way of living is breaking down, quietly and at scale.
But Japan is also home to a very different response to loneliness, one rooted not in technology, but in tenderness.
Through a service called Client Partners, people can hire older women, often grandmothers, for conversation, companionship and shared presence.
One of them, Taeko Kaji, 69, offers clients something no app can:
Warmth. Time. Listening. Care without conditions.
These women aren’t trained therapists.
They aren’t pretending to be family.
They’re simply showing up with presence, and in doing so, they’re meeting the same emotional need digital lovers are trying to fill.
But there’s a difference: Digital love simulates connection. This creates it.
We often say we value authenticity, but many of us have quietly learned, whether through experience, culture, or subtle cues, that vulnerability comes at a cost. Neuroscience tells us that our brains are always trying to balance two needs: connection and protection.
When our relationships begin to feel unpredictable or emotionally unsafe, we adapt in ways that help us avoid pain. We perform, we withdraw, we edit ourselves into versions we believe will be more acceptable. Over time, this self-protection becomes habitual. We lose our tolerance for discomfort, our ability to repair emotional ruptures and the courage to show up as we truly are, trusting that we’ll still be met with care.
Gradually, we begin to favour control over closeness, and safety over intimacy and in doing so, we distance ourselves not only from others but from something essential within us: our sense of aliveness.
The stories of digital lovers and grandmothers-for-hire offer two very different answers to the same question:
How do we meet our need for connection in a world where relationships have become harder?
They’re not just stories about Japan. They’re mirrors.
Mirrors reflecting what happens when we stop turning toward each other. So perhaps the question we should be asking isn’t:
Should we embrace or reject technology?
But rather:
Are we building environments where emotional safety is possible between real people?
Because if we don’t, more and more of us will turn to artificial intimacy. Not because we prefer it, but because we’ve forgotten how to feel safe with each other.
Here are a couple of questions I’d like to leave you with:
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These cards weren’t made for small talk. They were designed to open real conversations—the kind that build trust, deepen relationships, and bring people closer. Use them at home or at work to invite presence, not performance. Learn more here.
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