From Digital Lovers To Grandmothers-For-Hire: What Japan Teaches Us About Loneliness

In Japan, loneliness has led to two very different solutions:

A digital bride and a rented grandmother.

At first glance, both stories may sound surreal. But behind them is a very human truth:

When connection feels out of reach, people find alternatives. Not because they’ve stopped wanting love but because they’ve stopped feeling safe asking for it.

The Rise of Digital Lovers

In 2018, Akihiko Kondo made global headlines when he held a symbolic wedding ceremony with Hatsune Miku, a digital character and virtual pop star.

To many, it looked absurd. But to Kondo, it was a relationship built on emotional safety, a bond without criticism, conflict or rejection.

Kondo isn’t alone. Across Japan, more people are turning to digital lovers: virtual characters, apps, AI companions and holograms that simulate intimacy without the uncertainty of real relationships.

According to Japan’s 2022 national birth trend survey, more than 40% of single adults under 30 have never been on a date (NIPSSR, 2022).

Why?

For some: fear of rejection.

For others: past trauma, anxiety or a sense of disconnection from modern dating norms.

But whatever the reason, the need is the same:
To feel seen. To feel valued. To feel loved.

Loneliness by the Numbers

This isn’t just a Japanese phenomenon. Loneliness is becoming a global epidemic:

Loneliness at a Glance:

• U.S.: Nearly 1 in 2 adults report feeling lonely (Murthy, 2023)
  
  
• U.K.: 7% feel lonely “often or always”; over 25% report loneliness some of the time (ONS, 2023)
  
  
• Japan: In 2021, a Minister of Loneliness was appointed to address rising suicide rates and isolation (BBC, 2021)
  
  
• Global: The WHO now defines loneliness as a major public health threat, tied to higher risks of depression, dementia, and early death (WHO, 2023)

These numbers aren’t just statistics. They’re signals.

Signals that something in our modern way of living is breaking down, quietly and at scale.

Grandmothers-for-Hire:
A Human Alternative

But Japan is also home to a very different response to loneliness, one rooted not in technology, but in tenderness.

Through a service called Client Partners, people can hire older women, often grandmothers, for conversation, companionship and shared presence.

One of them, Taeko Kaji, 69, offers clients something no app can:

Warmth. Time. Listening. Care without conditions.

These women aren’t trained therapists.
They aren’t pretending to be family.

They’re simply showing up with presence, and in doing so, they’re meeting the same emotional need digital lovers are trying to fill.

But there’s a difference: Digital love simulates connection. This creates it.

Why This Matters

We often say we value authenticity, but many of us have quietly learned, whether through experience, culture, or subtle cues, that vulnerability comes at a cost. Neuroscience tells us that our brains are always trying to balance two needs: connection and protection. 

When our relationships begin to feel unpredictable or emotionally unsafe, we adapt in ways that help us avoid pain. We perform, we withdraw, we edit ourselves into versions we believe will be more acceptable. Over time, this self-protection becomes habitual. We lose our tolerance for discomfort, our ability to repair emotional ruptures and the courage to show up as we truly are, trusting that we’ll still be met with care. 

Gradually, we begin to favour control over closeness, and safety over intimacy and in doing so, we distance ourselves not only from others but from something essential within us: our sense of aliveness.

What Japan Is Teaching The Rest Of Us

The stories of digital lovers and grandmothers-for-hire offer two very different answers to the same question:

How do we meet our need for connection in a world where relationships have become harder?

They’re not just stories about Japan. They’re mirrors.

Mirrors reflecting what happens when we stop turning toward each other. So perhaps the question we should be asking isn’t:

Should we embrace or reject technology?

But rather:

Are we building environments where emotional safety is possible between real people?

Because if we don’t, more and more of us will turn to artificial intimacy. Not because we prefer it, but because we’ve forgotten how to feel safe with each other.

Here are a couple of questions I’d like to leave you with:

• Is there a place in your life where you’ve chosen distance, just to feel safe?
• What might it feel like to lean in again with presence, not perfection?

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• BBC News. (2021, February 22). Japan appoints minister for loneliness to tackle rising suicide rates. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-56128020
• Client Partners. (2025, July). OK Obaachan – Rent-a-grandma service booms in Japan. Treasury Today. https://treasurytoday.com/insight-and-analysis/rent-a-grandma-service-booms-in-japan/
• Murthy, V. H. (2023). Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
• National Institute of Population and Social Security Research. (2022). 14th Basic Survey on Birth Trends. https://www.ipss.go.jp/ps-doukou/j/doukou14/doukou14_gaiyou.asp
• Office for National Statistics. (2023). Loneliness – What characteristics and circumstances are associated with feeling lonely? https://www.ons.gov.uk
• World Health Organization. (2023). Social connection: A new public health priority. https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240075532
• Wikipedia contributors. (n.d.). Akihiko Kondo. In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akihiko_Kondo
• Asahi Shimbun. (2023, May 18). Man finds bliss after ‘marrying’ virtual idol Hatsune Miku. The Asahi Shimbun. https://www.asahi.com/ajw/articles/14893578