The Loneliness Cure Isn’t More Friends — It’s Deeper Connection

You don’t have to be a party person to need people. But how much sociability is enough? Enough to feel whole. Enough to stay well.

Turns out, the answer is both biological and deeply personal,  shaped by our brains, our cultures and our life seasons.

Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman, in his book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect (2013), argues that our brains are inherently social. The same neural network that helps us think about ourselves also lights up when we think about other people. It’s called the default mode network, and it becomes active when we daydream, imagine conversations or reflect on relationships.

Studies show a strong overlap between the DMN and areas involved in social cognition, which many now call the social brain.

What is even more striking is that social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain (Eisenberger & Lieberman, 2004). Your brain treats being left out like a punch to the gut.

And the reason is that our evolutionary past treated being isolated from the group as death. We survived because we stayed connected.

Not Everyone Needs The Same Amount Of Social Time

You might be an introvert who loves solitude.

Or an extrovert who feels flat without people.

Both are normal.

What matters more than how many people you see, is how emotionally safe and meaningful those interactions are.

Research from Susan Pinker (The Village Effect, 2014) shows that even brief, in-person interactions with friends, neighbours, shopkeepers lower stress, improve memory and boost longevity.

And it’s not about crowd size. Psychologist Robin Dunbar found that we can only manage about 150 stable social relationships, with only 5 deeply intimate connections at any given time.

Culture Matters Too

What sociability looks like varies by culture:

• Mediterranean and Latin cultures thrive on daily in-person interactions: food, family and loud conversations.
  
  
• Scandinavian and Anglo cultures value privacy and planned socialising: fewer interactions, but strong systems of trust and support.
  
  
• Indigenous and African communities often centre life around kinship, communal rituals and shared care.

There’s no best style.

What is most important to remember is that isolation in any culture tends to predict higher levels of anxiety, depression and even heart disease (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015).

So What’s The Absolute Minimum?

You might be wondering what’s the least I need to do socially to stay mentally well? Here’s what the research suggests:

• One meaningful conversation per day with someone who sees you and hears you.
  
  
• One face-to-face interaction per week: coffee with a friend, a walk with a neighbour, a shared meal.
  
  
• One sense of belonging to a group, a community, a shared identit, where you feel safe to be yourself.

These small points of contact, even if brief, are enough to regulate your nervous system, reduce the stress hormone cortisol and increase the bonding hormone oxytocin, which is critical for emotional regulation (Taylor, 2006).

Let’s Talk About Travel

The way we connect shows up in how we move through the world, too. Some of us prefer to travel solo, drawn to the freedom, clarity and self-reflection that solitude allows.

Others feel most alive when traveling with someone they love, creating shared memories and leaning into mutual support.

There’s no right way, just different ways of being.

So, what’s your preference? Which option is you:

• I prefer to travel solo — I love the independence
• I prefer a great companion — shared joy is deeper
• I prefer to travel with a group of friends or family
• I prefer to travel with a group of strangers

There’s no ideal number of friends. No trophy for the busiest social calendar. But there is a deep cost to chronic disconnection, emotionally and physically.

So if you’ve been feeling off lately, ask yourself:

• When was the last time I felt genuinely connected?
• Do I need more solitude or more community?
• Who in my life feels safe to be real with?

You don’t need a crowd.

You just need a few people who feel like home.

Your Brain Is Wired for Connection! Let’s Nourish That Together

If this article made you reflect on your own need for deeper connection, our Bali Retreat might be exactly what your heart and nervous system have been craving. 

Set in the lush, restorative environment of Bali, this retreat offers the space to slow down, reflect and build genuine bonds — with yourself and with others on a similar journey. 

Through an immersive workshop, movement, shared meals and moments of stillness, you’ll explore what meaningful connection really looks like. 

Whether you come solo or with someone you trust, this experience is designed to help you feel truly seen, heard and supported, the way we’re all wired to be.

Real Connection Starts With Better Conversations

We’re wired for connection. But in a fast-paced world, it’s easy to go days without a moment of true presence with another human being. The Heart 2 Heart Conversations Prompt Cards are designed to change that!

Whether it’s with a friend, a client, or your team, these cards create space for meaningful dialogue — the kind that helps us feel seen, heard and emotionally safe.

Use them to spark daily moments of connection that support wellbeing, deepen trust and remind us of what it means to be fully human.

Because sometimes, one real conversation is all it takes.

Sources:

• Eisenberger, N. I., & Lieberman, M. D. (2004). Why rejection hurts: A common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences
• Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science
• Lieberman, M. D. (2013). Social: Why our brains are wired to connect. Crown Publishing.
• Pinker, S. (2014). The Village Effect: How face-to-face contact can make us healthier and happier. Spiegel & Grau.
• Taylor, S. E. (2006). Tend and befriend: Biobehavioral bases of affiliation under stress. Current Directions in Psychological Science